How to Talk About Dance Music’s Troubled Past.

The last few years have seen a re-appraisal of the EDM Wars, to the point where some commentators have begun to refer to them as the Electroubles, rather than a fully fledged DJ war. History is inevitably written by the victors, and so it is with the EDM Wars, with the winners – old hands like Stevie Baby, Rott Kahl Hardben Faust and Calf No Swim Good – all having signed book deals concerning those dark days. So just what were the EDM Wars about, and how did they start?

Like so many wars throughout history, the EDM Wars were started when a glitter cannon went off unexpectedly. This caused an un-named DJ (it was totally that entitled dick Calf No Swim Good) to miss-time an air punch. This was mis-read by his pyro-technics guy as a signal to set off all the fireworks at once, which he did and which consequently set the Trap / Grime / Urban tent on fire. It is unclear who released the first diss track, but the ensuing furore quickly escalated into a local conflict, with government DJ regulatory body OFFSPINN clearly completely out of their depth. There was a sense that no one was in control: DJs were suddenly going over their allotted 45 minutes set time, charting other peoples releases rather than their own, some were even playing UK Garage.

It couldn’t last and soon the government stepped in, sending the army in to quell the uprising. But it was already too late, the damage had already been done. Weaponised Tropical House had already inflicted huge damage to the festival scene, whilst nightclubs had been subject to lengthy barrages of electronic EDM music.

So This Is Why DJs Are Always Smashing It

Which brings us up to date, with some DJs like the tireless self-promotion leech Calf No Swim Good famously suggesting that everyone should “just like, get over it, and let the music do the talking”, a tone considered unhelpful, considering just how mind numbingly generic and dull his tech-house opuses are.

However, more conciliatory DJs like Rott Kahl Hardben Faust have been working to mend old barriers, collecting and destroying Bob Marley progressive house bootlegs wherever he finds them.

Whatever your opinion of what was no doubt a dark period in dance music, we must look to the future. We would do well to remember DJ Stevie Baby’s moving words on the day the fighting ceased: “Let’s party yo, make some motherfucking noise”. Inspiring.