There probably is a DJ called ‘DJ Speak’ but this article isn’t about her/him, it’s about the things DJ say and what they actually mean.

Not all DJs are ridiculous idiots constantly making bad decisions, blind to the trail of destruction and annoyance they leave behind; some are truly awful. And one of the many challenges that normal humans face when speaking with DJs is working out just what they mean when they’re speaking – deciphering ‘DJ Speak’.

Since the very early days of DJing, DJs have always used words in a confusing way – ‘bad’ meaning ‘good’, ‘wicked’ meaning ‘good’, ‘sick’ meaning ‘good’, ‘good’ never, ever meaning ‘good’. And the tradition has continued, with their social media pronouncements a collection of coded messages and double meanings, intended to portray a certain level of success, but often with a tragic truth just visible below the surface sheen.

It’s a strange world we are all living in now, where the vast, near-magical dream of human interconnectedness that is the internet is used to seek the validation of strangers for another re-edit of Love is the Message. But this is how we choose to use our technology, to tell each other how great we are. Luckily, Prinks has put together this handy cut-out-and-keep guide to decoding online DJ-speak, so read on and be forever enlightened in the ways of the Disk Spinners and Slippers:

1. “The Lab”

Not sure when this started, but at some point bedroom producers started referring to their laptops and speakers first as a studio, and then, bless them, a laboratory, which was consequently shortened to ‘The Lab”. When a DJ says they’re going back to the lab, they mean they’re going to turn on their lap top.

2. “Spending the day in the studio”

If your studio is a laptop in a bedroom, then gaming all day is, in theory, spending the day in the studio.

3. “Great gig last night, now back to production grind!”

This can be translated in a number of ways, depending on context. It could mean:
“My shift at Nandos starts in twenty minutes.”
“Better finish my science homework or Mr Appleton will be disappointed in me.”
“God, Mum, OK, I’ll wash the car, this is so unfair.”

4. “Totally smashed it last night!”

This often translates as “Played some music in my local bar last night” or “played the warm up to a virtually empty, uncaring room”. See also “killed it”, “annihilated it”, “nailed it”, “totally spangle-bonkered it” and so on.

 5. ”Just finished two tracks and a remix in a hugely productive day.”

“Oh my God it’s six thirty in the evening which means I’ve been on Halo 4 for six hours straight.”

6. “Thanks to all of you who continue to believe in me and support my work.”

“Can someone please tell me I’m great, thanks.”

7.  “Anyone fancy playing in my place at my gig this evening?”

We don’t know what this means because no DJ in the entire history of the Universe has ever said it.