Witches and Wizards Distance Themselves From Tory Party

The UK Pagan Society has issued a statement distancing itself from Theresa May, after UK Grime Superstar Stormzy called Theresa May a ‘paigon’ whilst picking up the GQ Solo Artist of the Year Award.

The Pagan Society, which includes witches, wizards and warlocks among its members, issued the following statement:

“We would like to make it clear that Theresa May certainly isn’t a Pagan, and although as Pagans we might occasionally bother Stone Henge, we would never knowingly let disabled people die like the Tories. They’re way more evil than us”

An evil brood of black-cloaked, hideous twisted old crones, Tory Party Head Office, responded to the Pagan Society by putting a curse on them and increasing tax on candles by 2000%.