Ever wondered how it all began? Wonder no more, Prinks has gained access to the minutes from the heavenly meeting where it all started…
Agenda: To discuss team goals, affinity grouping and work flow in ongoing ‘Dance Music’ branch of project ‘Earth Creation’ (2nd Iteration)
Attendees: God, Archangel Gabriel, Angels
Location: Conference Room B
Attendees not present: Lucifer
God: Right, let’s get started. First off we’ll need to invent the first DJ. Hmmm, there’s plenty I could choose from, let’s see… *hums to himself * Ah yes, Jimmy Saville, one of the UK’s worst sex offenders, he can be the first to actually put two turntables together.
Archangel Gabriel: Umm, God?
God: Um hm?
Archangel Gabriel: We know you’re all knowing and all powerful and all that, but Saville was a monstrous man, why make him the first DJ?
God: Gabes, have you ever heard the phrase that I work in mysterious ways?
Archangel Gabriel: *Sighs* Yes, it’s just…
God: *Interrupting* OK, so that’s what’s happening here. The first DJ is Saville. Next, we need a good origin story. So dance music is going to be all about people coming together, joy, community, hedonism, all those sorts of fun things.
Gathered angels: *general positive murmuring*
God: So it will all start when some homophobic cops try to strong arm some gays.
Archangel Gabriel: Eh?
God: Yep, a scuzzy gay bar and some crooked cops trying to shake down some gays. *pauses for dramatic effect* I shall call it Stonewall.
Archangel Michelangelo: Right. That’s brilliant, obvs…it’s just that, for example, modern theatre began with Shakespeare, the finest playwright you ever created, who articulated the nuances of the human condition with language of sublime power and beauty. And ballet was born in the rarefied salons and royal courts of Renaissance Europe, a combination of poise, strength, flexibility, and beauty… but you want the most influential, transcendental and definitely one of the most fun things you invented to be founded by a sex offender and to begin with a failed police raid on a gay bar?
God: Gabes, baby, I was right about swimming, wasn’t I? You said humans wouldn’t want to get wet but they love that shit amirte?.
Angels: *general murmur of agreement*
God: And giraffes, I totally called that they’d like giraffes.
Archangel Gabriel: Mm hm.
God: In fact, there was someone, I forget who, who was all “Giraffes look dumb, no one will believe they’re real”, who was it, I forget…?
Archangel Gabriel: *quietly* Me.
God: Sorry mate, didn’t quite catch that…?
Archangel Gabriel: ME.
God: Right, so trust me on this fam. OK, what’s next? Ahh, DJs. Look, I’ve been at this all week, any chance I can leave the details of all the various DJs with you guys?
Archangel Gabriel: Yeah, no worries, we’ve been working on a few different models. We’ve got one that can scratch really well, one who can only DJ in tandem with another DJ also in a black t-shirt, one who does a great impression of the agonising death of your son…
God: Wait, what?