Our resident DJ critic and old man moanyballs Harold gives us his thoughts on DJ lies…
Another Sunday and another seemingly endless stream of brilliant gig and new release updates from all the DJ/Producers on my timeline; it makes me wonder just how genuine all this celebratory good news is. Social media is a little like a CV, it’s a way to present a version of ourselves to the online world and, like CVs, we’ve all tweaked our grades a little from time to time right? I may not have actually attended medical school but I’ve seen loads of operations on cable TV, so let’s not get uptight about if I’m actually “qualified” to perform surgery eh.
So here’s a quick guide to the Top Five Best DJ/Producer Lies that you may encounter on Facebook and Twitter. It turns out that house DJ/Producers are so utterly lacking in imagination and so mind-numblingly un-creative that we only have four set status templates so I had to kind of repeat a couple of them:
1. “Massive support from DJs including Richie Hawtin” on someone’s new track translates as: “Someone who works for Richie Hawtin copied-and-pasted “Downloading for Richie Hawtin” into over two hundred promo campaigns this weekend.
2. “Big shout to everyone who came down to XXX last night” translates as:
“Even my mates, who I put on the free list, and offered 2 free drinks tokens to, didn’t show up.”
3. “Spending the day in the studio” often actually means “Spending the day slumped in front of a screen watching a never ending stream of online content, slowly drowning in the Kardashian sea of meaninglessness.
4. “Great gig last night, now back to the studio” – “My shift at Nandos starts in twenty minutes”
5. ”Just finished two tracks and a remix in a hugely productive day” – “Oh my God it’s six thirty in the evening which means I’ve been on Halo 4 for six hours straight.”