Ever noticed how some music genres are all cool and laid back and others are super-uptight and always bossing you around?

Which is the bossiest genre? Out of the major dance music genres, which one likes telling you what to do the most? In our new occasional series ‘After Party Topics’, we analyse some of the main streams of contemporary dance music in terms of their inherent dictatorial tendencies and love of telling you what to do. How did your favourite genre fair – find out below!

Techno

Techno won’t order you around because techno doesn’t care about the man and his rules. Just do your own thing, don’t ever compromise, never sell-out and don’t ever let anyone tell you what to do. Actually, it is a little bit bossy.

House

House music is less concerned with telling its audience what to do and way more concerned with ensuring that the audience is completely clear that they’re listening to house music. Hence in 2017 people are still releasing tracks that say things like ‘House Music’ or ‘House is a Feeling’ just in case you weren’t sure of the genre you’re listening to: “Oh right, this is house music, thanks for clearing that up.”

EDM

Electronic EDM Music or ‘EDM’ for short, is definitely one of the bossiest genres that we’ve encountered. Within a minute of being introduced to an EDM song, you may well be required to reach for the lasers. Also, EDM is constantly telling everyone to make some motherfucking noise, motherfuckers, so overall it scores pretty high on bossy scale.

Drum & Bass

There’s often an MC chatting in Drum & Bass, but in terms of bossiness, D&B scores super low. This is because no one ever really knows what Drum & Bass MC’s are on about, honestly have a listen, they’re bonkers – chatting about flow, fiyah, something about being live & direct, biddy biddy biddy, and of course, the oft-expressed concern for and interest in rude boys and bad boys. Brilliant obviously, but in terms of bossiness, D&B is a non-contender.

Hip Hop

It’s an entirely different matter in Hip Hop however. How many times in one tune does a rapper tell you what to do? It’s like all the time, make some noise, listen up, get up, get down, go over there, now come back, touch your toes, watch my flow, it’s exhausting. Hip Hop is like a Zumba class for the snapback generation, and as such easily wins the Prinks award for Bossiest Genre.

Congratulations Hip Hop! Wait, you want us to throw our hands in the air? OK…