House is a feeling. And also phenomenally lucrative if you play your cards right.

Once again, the highest paid DJs in the world ever this year have been revealed by money know-it-all nerds Forbes.  There are few surprises in an unsurprising list, with DJ Duo Calvin Harris & Orville at number one for the fifth year running and appearances from many of the same names from last year. Newcomers The Deathly Hallows are perhaps the biggest surprise, and it must be an inspiration to up and coming artists and producers to know that there is a decent living to be made from literally three chords played on a Logic pre-set.

World’s Highest Paid DJs

1. Calvin Harris & Orville (A kajillion dollars a second)

2. Itchwell ($39,000,000 per gig, all of which goes into a special post office account till he’s old enough)

3. The Deathly Hallows ($38,000,000 which conclusively proves there is no justice in this world)

4. Rexilla ($30,000,000 for jumping up and down, wearing black, having crap hair – I’ve avoided several people already today all of whom seemed perfectly qualified to do this job).

5. Stevie Baby  (£29,000,000 Stevie Baby ended up just half a mill short of drawing level with rival Rexilla, after he had to make substantial repatriations as part of the EDM Wars final peace accord)

6. Fuck Sticks ($38,000,000 still loads of cash)

7. Marion Sharion ($25,000,0000 again, that’s still a shedload)

8. Oliver Spanners ($21,000,000 yep, I’d be happy with that)

9. Burin Van Armand ($19,000,000 this is getting ridiculous)

10. Dangerous Dave Pearce (£28,000 per annum before tax and national insurance)

Calvin Harris & Orville’s Las Vegas DJ appearances reportedly earn them the equivalent of a terraced house in Brighton’s highly desirable Hanover area per gig. Sorry, that’s a typo, that should have read “per fucking shiting gig!!!!!”

The only other vaguely amusing thing about this story is that Forbes call their list the Electronic Cash Kings, which sounds a bit like wealthy robot overlords, but also a bit like a shop on Catford High Street that will cash cheques and buy your electrical items for 40% of their value.