Don’t the entitled rich deserve their DJ sets to be longer than ours?

New proposals regarding the length of DJ sets have been released today by the ghastly car-crash that is the UK government. In a move set to divide the DJ community, DJ Regulatory body OFFSPIN announced that almost all DJ sets are to be slashed to a maximum of 30 minutes by 2018.
This is to increase the amount of time available for what the government are calling the ‘leading edge’ of DJs, who will be exempt from the proposals. Those exempt include DJs whose Daddy used to fag for, or has donated to, the current government and DJs who earn over £500,000 per year.

“Hard working family DJs”

Others who may be exempt will be “hard working family DJs” who may receive up to four hours set time, over the entire year, only to be used 15 minutes at a time, and only as a warm up, not as the headliner, and  only if they can prove that they have been in continual work for at least six months and that they love the QueenThe new proposals state that DJs have “a brighter future under this government going forward” but urges DJs to report any changes in their circumstances or risk having sanctions place on their fees.
We called OFFSPIN for a comment but Minister for Youth Culture Aubyn Tarquin de Ville’s office informed us he was unavailable. The Minister is currently on a four-month holiday in the exclusive European microstate of Havendovia,  “essentially for tax purposes, although he also treasures being far from the mewling herd.”