DJ Jeremy Underground’s agent has been offered a role as the new Minister for Brexit after completely losing his shit earlier today. Edinburgh promotors Abstrakt reported (see here) that after Mr Underground’s agent had insisted on two hotel changes prior to a gig they reluctantly had to cancel the booking. This was due to the lost hotel booking fees costing them a substantial amount of money. Abstrakt were then contacted by the agent, who used a lot of swears and made a lot of threats. 
It was understood that the as yet un-named agent was approached soon after by a member of Teresa May’s cabinet with the job offer. A spokesman for number 10 said:
“Having successfully damaged his clients’ reputation, adversely affected his earning power and completely fucked it up for himself in just a few short minutes, we feel that Jeremy Underground’s agent is a perfect fit for the role of Minister for Brexit.”
It is understood that the government also approached Mr Underground himself about a possible role on the Brexit team. However, as the job offer made no mention of a 5 star Sauna and Spa with solid gold baths and towels made of money, Mr Underground declined.
Mr Underground has made a proper apology and offered to pay for all manner of expenses for Abstrakt, who’ve published a nice ‘sweet, glad that’s all over then’ statement and are donating their profits from their next party to charity. Which is pretty much the best result for everyone involved. So how about a small ripple of applause for a happy ending to a 24-hour distraction that produced several good jokes, a couple of decent memes and a brief sense of togetherness.