Turn of the century Rap Revolution

2001 was a weird year. We had arrived in the next century but there was still no sign of the hover-boots or flying cars that modernity had promised, and Sophie Ellis Bexter’s ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ was one of the biggest tunes of the year – like we say, weird.  At this crucial time, when the country needed them the most, Tiger, Mell-o-face, Rooster X, Boo-train, Diamond Stylez, Omar, Bro-ma, Leaper, Prancer, The Occurrence, and Alan, collectively known as the Blazin’ Squad came to the country’s rescue.

Originally a government-backed community scheme that got out badly of hand, Blazin’ Squad went on to invent Acne-Rap, a much under-rated genre, and became briefly and inexplicably successful for nearly two months, before imploding under the harsh glare of the celebrity spotlight and quickly fading from view.

The plot thickens…

But the story doesn’t end there. Mell-o-face went on to fame and fortune in his ongoing role as the voice over guy on ITV’s Mouthwash Island,  Boo-train made several appearances before various judges and recently broadcast his latest bout of community service on Facebook Live. But perhaps the most successful was everyone’s favourite, Diamond Stylez – real name Damon Staines – who won the hearts and minds of the nation with his tear-jerking rendition of Blazin’ Squad’s 2002 ballad ‘Lick It Roll It’ on top TV Talent Show Britain’s Got Problems. 

Which brings us up to date and to the strange case of DJ Mixey, Resident at the Pussy Cat’s Claw in Tenerife, who claims to have “forgotten, for like, ages, and then remembered” that he was in Blazin’ Squad. The confused DJ takes up the story: “I was called Xan-Factor, or Pan-Tractor or Ham-Baxter, something like that. I dropped a killer eight bars straight off the top of the dome in the second verse of the Squad’s ‘Damaged Goodz & Badz’.

Bizarre claims, entirely without foundation

There is no evidence at all to back up Mixey’s story and none of the other original Squad members has any recollection of him. However, he told Prinks: “Seriously mate, I was totally in Blazin’ Squad, I was one of the main ones. I’m pretty sure I capitalised on my brief moment in the public eye by going on  I’m A Celebrity. I got voted out after I swore at Linda Lusardi.” A brief internet search revealed this to all be completely untrue. DJ Mixey, when told this fact, simply pushed his drink off the table and shouted “Leg it” before running out of the cafe.